Somehow in our mind we have accepted that we have to experience highs and lows, that this is part of the rhythm of our lives. In my case I am convinced that without the downs I could not appreciate the ups. I believed that for a blimming long time - until this last holiday. I had a revelation back then but it finally clicked today. Hence this post. It also follows me watching the film 'Am Anfang war das Licht' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s36JoehC0Os challenging common belief patterns and reminding me of the power of our mind!
First, a few words on how polarity (dark/light; up/down etc) shows in my life. Overall I have a good life, with a fair share of challenges to overcome but also with a great wealth of resources to deal with them. I would say that there were always a few tough years followed by a few good ones (according to this logic I will have at least 4 'easy' ones ahead!). Now, what would I be doing in life if I did not have those challenges (that arguably lead to growth but are a pain in the bum when they occur) to overcome? Lead a happy life? Maybe.
'B.U.T!' I hear my inner ego screaming, 'life is not that straightforward!' ... I truly wonder what life would be like if there was no polarity, if there were no motivations to pursue other than 'just' followed my inner truth? What if my husband not 'getting' my dilemmas was not an issue? What if being a size 16 would not be scary? What if not having commercial success did not matter? What would humanity do with all that spare time not spent worrying??? Could we be happy without having fear counterbalancing our joy?
At some point I began to belief that it is normal to feel up and then down again. The majority of us right now put a judgements on events/facts and have feelings according to those judgements - eg gaining weight and being a size 16 is bad and being skinny desirable (although a Nigerian friend recently tried desperately to put on some weight and finally be a bigger size to be deemed beautiful for her wedding taking place in Nigeria!).
Take an argument for example. This can be a classic example of something commonly acknowledged to be 'bad'/undesirable/disharmonious. Yet in one case I noticed that I stepped back form the judgement and listened to what was important about this argument. The situation was that while being invited for dinner at a friends' place my husband and I were going over an old (and by now dull & boring) argument I have had many times with him. I realised that we had upset the friend hosting the evening because of the disagreement. Harmony = good; Disagreement = bad. However, it came to me that all that was said in that context came from a basis of ego - the mind - and might have been useful to come out at this point, for learning. Yet this polarity, the judgement we put on things create a reality that is toxic. It is a reality where we need to control and cannot accept what is.
I am not saying I am above this polarity thinking but in this instance I removed myself from it by listening to my heart - and it did not matter that we argued and what my ego was upset about. I DID NOT BEAT MYSELF UP OR FELT FEARFUL. It does not matter that in our relationship the scales do not always levelled out - either the 'good' or the 'bad' side dominates. What matters is that in my heart I know we are meant to be together for this learning experience and luckily my emotional, spiritual and physical body are wiser than my weak and beaten ego that starts the odd fight. In my heart I trust.
So when I heard Adam Ant on the Johnathan Ross Show tonight saying that his bipolar syndrome has to do with him being a creative one, who need the light and the dark for inspiration I might say 'Bullshit!' - we do not need it but we chose it because it is more melodramatic and lends itself to great artwork. We love our lows too! However, I could lead much happier life (and I guess much other arty types too) if we lived in our hearts more, sensing that up and down do not matter all that much but how we take them is curcial. This way our egos and judgements have not that much weight - which is good to remember next time I am about to hurt a dear one again!
With another rotten belief pattern uncovered,
Your Urban Yogi
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