the hardest time...

Never have I been pushed to my limits the way I have been in 2013... to my limits and beyond. On so many levels has my perception of reality been challenged since this day last year when I touched upon the essence of us all. It's what sparked not only this (more infrequent than intended) blog but major changes in my life. Nothing is like it has been in December 2012; not the way I look at myself, not the way I see the world, not the way I live; all is fuller, richer, deeper, wider, denser, liberated, more connected, real and alive than I ever recall it being.

Yet living this way results in continuous, "hard" work - ongoing work on myself because everything relates, matters, is a teaching. This level of awareness is taxing as it feels impossible to be put into words... hence, I try to live as an exmaple. However, when facing people who are buying into a limiting reality, when dealing with systems that stifle and break people to fit toxic moulds, I am struggling to keep going. I see it's nonesense. I feel it is wrong and hurtful to our essence. Yes, to replenish I revisit this place of unity but it becomes the hardest task the longer I swim in this swamp of competition, targets, force growing and depletion.

Moreover, the responsibility of looking inwardly when facing a reality I don't believe in anymore feels at time draining because it demands of me to resolve my remaining issues, release myself from this sticky bondage we socially constructed. A person recently told me to "stop being so reflective"; if I did I would turn towards dodgy TV, meaningless activities and distractions to work even harder on ignoring the truth - an alternative I have left this day last year.

It takes calm, quiet, emptiness and peace to allow for reflection and insights to be revealed. Holding such a space of serenity whilst also finding ways of relating to others is a balancing act. I am having the hardest time to be on the tightropes and keep going. The developments of this year have stretched me so far that I don't feel like the same me anymore, but as an extended me. Without the experience of being one that I had, the revelation I felt with my all, I could not still continue on staying in this madness.

I hold trust.

Madness, some might think now to do what I am doing. Foolish to do this if it is soooo hard. Stop it. Shouldn't "living int he heart" enable things to be dany and easy?

We came to a point where our fear of the difficult parts of living paralyse our growth.
We hide in our cosiness that cotton-wraps us from any bumps real life might causes.
We stifle growth, real learning and transformation this way.

Quirky, is what people like to see... something that is different but still within the scope of their "normality". Mad is what people label things that they cannot comprehend. So they try to fix it, bend it, mend it, normalise it to not stir up their perception of reality.

I do not want to make it out to be easy and dandy to be oneself, to risk beeing seen as mad whilst pushing the boundaries. It is not. I am having the hardest time of my life. I have never been so worn out in my life.

But isn't every birth a messy, painful process as it is stretching the flesh toward it's limits, tearing skin and pushing the boundaries? In the moment when we feel we cannot go on anymore, cannot take any more, when new life has pushed the old to the limits then it is time for that magical moment: birth.

With that trust I am enduring this time, as I know the result will be beautiful.

With blood, sweat and the occasional tear
Sarah,

an Urban Yogi.

Facing One's Ghosts.

Every year on the 1st of November I stood next to my family on the graveyard looking down on the names engraved in stone, remembering the ones who came before us while the mumbling prayers of the priest were filling the background, this vast space of death, this friable scene.
 
Yet there was something in this dire day that I liked. I grew up with many ghosts haunting the walls of my family home. Untold stories, repressed memories and the cold wind of guilt coming from catholic values that acted like chains one never dared to question. That one day a year it felt the ghosts were out in the light not haunting me in the darkness of the night or the stifling, bitter cellar. The crippling rules and what they were hiding made me choke, gasping for air on behalf of the ones who came before.
 
On the 1st of November I could face my ghost in broad daylight, face the suffering, the pain, all carried in silence. There and then I could always see what we essentially are – human, fallible and driven by raw nature – beautiful and perfect in that.
 
Our biggest mistake is that we are trying to change who we essentially are. We are thriving towards an image of ourselves that is much like a priest mumbling prayers and rules in the remote, dark, covered places of our psyche. Mostly we do not know we have adopted those mindsets of not being ‘good enough’ just as we are, right now, in every moment. If we cannot embrace all our dark sides, our shortcomings and love ourselves for it, our attempts for change will always result in failure. Why? Don’t we have to ‘better’ ourselves, become MORE, the best version of ourselves that we can be?
 
This thriving is built on a model of shortcoming, I realised looking into my own judgemental eyes. A thinking that we are not perfect the way we are rotts away our confidence, our love, our lifeforce. I know because I have been indoctrinated with that from even before a time when I can even recall my thoughts – in the believe that we can reach a version that is finally ‘good enough’, worth loving. We are waiting for a day when we look in the mirror with admiration and love for the person who is gazing back at us. Until then we beat ourselves up, analyse situations, looking for solutions to this puzzle of what the best version of us might look like, what needs changing before that day of self-love can come. It’s a mission impossible. What we think we ought to be changes daily, changes by the minute, and we almost tear ourselves apart trying to fulfil all the points of that tick-list towards lovable perfection, that we and our histories created.
 
The ghosts, the patterns, the beliefs are only brought to light in moments when we are pushed too far. In those moments of ugliness and pain when we struggle cause we have not got any ounce of energy left to sustain this illusion. In those moments we do we grasp the paradox of searching for a better self. The ties and knots that hold us in place to function every day paralyse us in being truthfully us. Standing on the graveyard every 1^st of November for me was a chance to sense all of those muddles and entanglements, burdens and wanting people carried with them to the grave, because they wanted for themselves a better life than the ones who they were faced with. I sympathise with them for I did the same for a long while.
 
Then for once I dared to live my truth, my inner self, the one that is flawed, and look down at my ancestors in the grave and I said – you were perfect the way you were; you did the best you could given the rotten circumstances; I am grateful you soldiered on in the worst of moments; and I don’t care you made mistakes, because I love. Becoming who we truly are is only possible once we love everything about ourselves. Once we accept that where we came from is perfect and hold ourselves for having carried on through all winds and weathers we might actually stand a chance to be happy, love and embrace life.

‘I have sent you my invitation,
The note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me!.
(The Dance - Oriah Mountain Dreamer)
 
It is in the quiet moments we sense what is truly us, our essence, we hear the invitation to the life we are born to live. Once you hear it you simply stand up and dance.
 
With love and adoration for all the strong women in my line – thank you for the gift of life! I promise to be me, pushing forwards, deeper into my essence, facing hurt and pain alongside song, dance and laughter. A song to the ones I love:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7Tkj9o-uQo

With all my love,
Yours
 
 

Sehnsucht nach Mehr - Yearning for More

In German the "Mehr" (More) sounds the same as "Meer" (Sea)... I have the urge to submerge myself into the sea, yearn for immersion into the deep dark waters to escape the demands of the everyday; I also want more from life, sense there is something missing. Thus this title in German as it just encompasses both.

Yesterday, while sitting amongst a circle of women, we were sharing age-old cellular wisdom that is beautiful but more than that felt so natural to us women (if that caught your attention I highly recommend Jewels Wingfield's workshops!). Once we connect with our whombs - yes, there is wisdom in this alien place! - we have a direct link to nature, everything natural and our mother, earth. Experiencing it felt unblievably good. Reconnected with sex, the cyclical, sisterhood, nature and simple wisdom, I opened up to my own inner voice. At one point I recognised that what drives me in life is not something that is tangible or clear. I am driven by my intuition, the feeling that there is something more, something else in me that wants to be explored and I give myself in to that.

There is no linear path, clear route I feel I can take through life. Instead I am driven by my senses. Rationally, choices stemming from this place might not apprear to make sense. Instead of looking for an explanation I immerse myself into the chaos of the deep waters, waters we know so well from our time in the whomb, to see where the current is taking me, what shore I might be washed up on. Once I am there it will slowly begin to make sense - the brain is usually the last to catch up! If we can find a connection again with this chaos, darkness, emotions and the wild, we women can reclaim our true power - to me that is the connection with the ultimate truth of nature, for it's gift is trust.

In spite of all the chaos and mess in my life, that used to make me question my sanity, I now trust the process, I trust life. It might not appear natural as we are used to straight lines, clear goals and tangible targets, but that is not how life operates. The challenge is to find love for oneself because it will help to trust one's inner guidance, trust that it is okay the way it is, messy or not.

I would have plenty more to say, about the need for women to connect, stop competing and start sharing as well as the important role of men in all of this. Instead I leave it at this today as I fancy some yoga and a hot bath whilst enjoying the rain knocking on the bathroom window.

So here a wonderful poem that captures the essence of women wonderfully and with those words I would like to say "Thank You" to all the beautiful women in my life!

Dear Woman ~

Woman,
You belong to the night.
You have blood on your thighs
and fuhrze in your hair.
You smell of loamy fertile soil.
Your breasts give life,
Your sex is a mystery school
leading to the holy of holies.

Turn your eyes inward,
use owls vision to see where you come from.
Slip beneath the surface,
and feel yourself become full.

Make a marriage to the moon.

Divorce the false gods of intellect and reason.
Find meaning in your dreams
and in the secrets of your body.

Follow no authority -
but your own true nature.

Make a sacred fire
and throw on it all that you would use to harm yourself.
Make kindling from shame.

Let your dance be wild,
your voice be honest
and your heart untame.

Be cyclical,
don't make sense..

Initiate yourself
Initiate yourself

By Aisha Wolfe

 

beauty of women

When I walk the streets, looking around me I see plenty of beautiful, stunning women. Very rarely do I see women coming together without their masks - pure, sensual, loud, dancing, laughing, crying, being emotional and supportive of each other.

At the workshop run by Jewels Wingfield http://www.jewelswingfield.com/ I had the joy of experiencing such a gathering. An attic in the heart of London was filled with female divinity, bringing to life what this new energy is about - a coming together, laying down of masks and forgetting about competition. I cannot even begin to explain with words what emotions the encounters with other beauties evoked and I don't want to make sense of it - it merely felt awesome. It was refreshing to not trying to understand, to let the mind rest and surrender to the sensations my body was flooded with.

First, women, let go of competition - it is a concept that stops us from embracing each other for we are all beautiful in our essence. We are nature, we carry the secrets to life. Jewels put it poignantly when she said that as society we have to recognised that we cannot take too much of the earth, that we must look after her. Let's do the same for each other, for ourselves, for women who are trying to be everything at once! There and then I recognised the importance and urgency for us women to help one another through the pains we carried, the traumas and the impossibilities we have faced in trying to be like men and remain women at the same time (not that men have got it much easier trying to be real men in this day and age!).

We all carry male and female but in this life I embody one: the feminine. I love to be supported by men and we should love them, but only once we come to love ourselves for what we are: women.

Hurt women, Sexual women, Emotional Women, Wild Women, Beautiful Women, Strong Women. And in this we came together on Saturday, seeing each other purely. It is an extremely powerful, vulnerable way of being that holds such greatness that we are now beginning to explore in these new times.

Meeting those sisters made me believe in the new times ahead as I looked the change in the eyes, danced with it, encouraged it in joint expressions of joy and pain. Wonderful. A beautiful future is ahead.

Thank you Jewels for this experience!
Much love,
From me to you.

project m.e.

project m.e.

Walking into a dark room, the first thing one would do is look for the light switch and turn it on, right? Why then do we walk day by day in darkness, without awareness, often merely functioning, fulfilling A role?

Deciding to put on the light can reveal a lot of dust, cobwebs and even the odd ghost sitting forgotten in a corner, feeling ignored and grumpy. Yes, it can even be scary to turn on the light because what if we do not like what we see?

However, as we all know, once the light shines on things they don’t look as bad as during the dark hours. As I raise my awareness, work on myself, switch on the light so to speak, I am learning a lot about my dark places. On my side I have great, unbelievable inspirational people that help the process. In this instance I am referring to my counsellor who is on my side while I find my way through this maze. She is great because she lets me do the hard work! I see myself very lucky to have met this amazing person exactly at the right time that is absolutely on my wavelength.

One major discovery in my session was that I am a typical ‘Rescuer’ believing – with a load of arrogance in tow – that I can help others, be the Good Samaritan, and thus change the world for the better. It’s an evolution of the ‘good girl’ role!

In this particular role it is important to focus as much as one possibly can on others, not one self, as that is ‘selfish’ and would interfere with the concept of giving one’s all, pour oneself into the wellbeing of everyone but one self. Funnily this leads to frustration as the ‘Rescuer’ doesn’t tend to receive much (it would be arbitrary as it weakens him as a rescuer). So this person moves into the position of ‘Victim’ and eventually turns into a ‘Persecutor’... it’s called the “Victim Triangle” I found out. And most of us are in some shape or form entangled in subconscious game playing like this.

How do we get out of this trap you might ask? First, accept that you cannot, even with all the love in the world, do the deeds of others or open their eyes for them, or carry their load. All one will achieve is that the other person feels smaller, undermined and it is all about feeding one’s own ego. Hence, I decided to embark on ‘project m.e.’ because I decided that the only possible solution can be to trust in others to be able to find their own path as I do with mine.

This left me with a light feeling but I could not imagine what I would do with all that energy and time freed up not spent on trying to help others. So I now have got time to attend my own needs, fears, desires, wishes, dreams and begin to listen to my gut! This radar, we all have inbuilt – in fact all of our body tells us constantly when something is off (headaches, tension, pain, etc) – can guide us along the way and help avoid falling back into those familiar, comfortable roles.

It is really tremendous that I tend to stumble across articles that match the themes I am dealing with (KT Tunstall in an interview said she only recently learnt to use her gut she uses constantly as an artist to lead her decisions in all aspects of her life) or receive a phone call going with my learning (my dad called up to say he decided he’s done all he could for his children and that we are now grown up and can look after ourselves – how true and how grateful I felt for that info as it set me free from the role of ‘good girl’ for my daddy!).

As I am sitting here on my own, with my own thoughts, focused on myself I realise just how long I have not consciously spent time focused on me, in spite of meditation and writing this blog. I tried to fix something, get a message out, focus outwardly, not on my inner voice and just be. So it’s my newfound hobby to learn to listen more, and carefully to myself and make time to enable for those moments to happen. No distractions!

What does one might gain from this? Freedom. You reclaim the freedom to be true to yourself. You can create your own rules, be your own guide and walk your honest path. With that demeanour one can begin a real exchange with others – a give and take, seeing eye to eye, and begin to stand tall in love. For me it feels like the only sustainable way of being with each other, empowering not only oneself but the other person too, seeing them and oneself with kind, embracing eyes.

From this vantage point we can also create the life they truly want, feel deep down inside we deserve. We are all creators, artists, out of the box kind of people in those deepest of places. We were simply not given enough options to live that side as in this society we suppress those instincts in favour of a false uniformity and a false security. This stifling way of life appears safe, sound and controllable.

Yet what it really does is to mute our essence, the child-like spirit in us that wants to play, have fun, laugh and create.  Through history the ones who broke the mould did not adhere. The ones leading the path into new worlds and new ages were seen as crazies... I sincerely wish to do my part by focusing on myself as a creator, artist, Urban Yogi to live by example, live the change I’d love to see.

Will I fail and fall back into old patterns? Hell yeah! I am human. Otherwise I’d already be sitting in a circle with the ascended masters loving everything and everyone all the time. I’d already be in my purest form, which is light, and I’d be shining brightly. But when I fall flat on my face once more I will get up again and try once more.

Until I get to the point of ascension I dedicate my time through ‘project m.e.’ to bringing light into my very own dark chambers and begin to tidy them up.

Urban Yogi

  

Crash-Landing

Jumping, taking that leap of faith took a lot of courage and blind trust as I did not know what the landing would feel like. As one can imagine - it HURT. Not only did it pain myself but close ones around me. I have been mulling over why we are so scared of pain in previous entries. As a society, as indiviuals too, we are very scared of painful experiences, so afraid in fact, that we chose slow, uncomfortable misery over a potential (necessary?) crash-landing.

I certainly did that for a long time. I put on a brave face, played my part as defined by me in accordance to societal norms. I fooled myself by ignoring that inner voice, pushing it to one side and simply marching on with a brave fasade, numbing each flickering of that tiny flame of truth in the gut with TV, food, drink, ... any form of distraction. But inside I was upset, grumpy, liveless, grey, numb.

Every now and then I'd blow up when life became to unbearable, make a scene to release the pressure - I'd go "crazy" for long enough to take another breath, then re-apply the make-up and return to acting my part. The one thing that comes with surrendering one self to serving one's higher purpose is that such behaviours cannot be sustained. Even though I held on to the status quo for as long as I possibly could, life dealt me cards, showed me an exit route of this faded, dull, horrid game and I jumped at this opportunity.

What hurts is not to let go of the old but to face the inconvenient truth that in spite of believing in my autonomy I was in fact adhering to everything society (WE) believe we ought to do, ought to have, ought to live, ignoring the wisdom within, pushing down the truth with yet another bar of chocolate. All simply to be a "good girl" afraid that my powerful, real me would come out and destroy the carefully crafted web of deceit, leaving me naked and bare to the elements of a, let's be honest, often tough life. So I toughened up in the past and marched like a little (unhappy) soldier in the machinery of the everyday functioning.

By beginning to listen to that inner voice, our guidance, the piece of the divine every one of us carries within, one enteres another plain. It is a blessing to face the truth and follow the path of the heart. No, it is not without pain and one has to accept a lot of uncertainty, connecting in trust with one's voice. In this place I feel tested by the minute to let go of expectations, accept that not knowing and let myself be washed away by those waves of  the new... the new feminine energy, the new earth, the new ways, new patterns, new ways of seeing and living life!

"Shhhh! She is traveling between worlds right now. You can see her holding the tension of not knowing ~ she is simply breathing into her unanswered questions. Sometimes she drinks her coffee with quaking hands, not knowing where her relationship or her bank account is going. But this time, she is holding onto the tension of not knowing, and is not willing to hit the panic button. She is unlearning thousands of years of conditioning. She is not being split between the opposing forces of fight and flight. She is neither naïve nor ignorant. She is a frontier woman, paving new roads & making new choices. She is willing to make a new transcendent possibility emerge. You may see her now ~ standing at thresholds, or at crossroads ~ breathing into her body ~ intently listening for inner signals. She's learning new navigation skills as she arrives at a most magical moment of her life."

~ Sukhvinder Sircar

 

I am not resentful for having lived my life the way I have since I decided to be a "good girl" and fit in. Believe me or not, I still remember that moment, when I was entering primary school, sitting on the stairs outside my family's flat and making a pact with my inner self to shut up as people would not be able to accept the truth, be able to accept the full, uncencored version of myself...

 

Life has offered me rich experiences so far, leading me to the point where I am at today - ready to break free, re-write the rules and stop trying to be a "good girl" or fix myself. Instead, today I embrace myself, embrace the unknown and find joy in starting a journey of re-discovery.

 

The veil of the illusion is lifting all over the world. It is time to face the truth, even if it means a crash-landing. I recommend a jump! Then get up and dust yourself off, get up and work through the pain.

 

Life is too precious to be wasted playing silly games!

 

Dusty, sore but happy,

Your Urban Yogi

 

 

 

 

Jump that cliff; take a leap of faith!

When I was a teen we used to go to a local lake called "Blindsee", a stunning green-blue space of tranquil bedded into the mountains of Tyrol. While the girls tanned the guys dared each other to jump off the cliffs. Only once did I jump too; cause it was scary, I did not now what to expect and by comparison to lying in the sun it was blimming dangerous as well. Although it was a thrill and resulted in a great feeling of overcoming my fears, I never jumped again.

Blindsee - http://wonderfulplanetphotography.zenfolio.com/img/s4/v65/p1194800474-3.jpg

Driving past this lake today to get to the airport I recalled several people at the last meditation gathering talking about 'jumping off cliffs' and 'taking leaps of faith'. Now is the time of finding the trust in oneself to take a chance, follow one's gut and let the mind take the back seat. Letting the heart take the lead can be a scary business for our mind, as we are trying to rationalise, as we are reminded of belief patterns and as we push societial norms.

Returning to my centre and tuning into what feels truthful to myself helps me to find peace and that tranquil my favourite lake uses. Nature helps me recharge and fill up my senses to have the courage to jump. Being back home in Tyrolean nature has further elevated and centred me. I have just listened to the podcast of Lee Harris (http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.co.uk/) and he beautifully sums up the struggles we tend to encounter before taking a 'leap of faith', following one's inner guidance.

Becoming a teacher myself I am very aware of what entails a strong, empowering lead figure, such as Lee Harris. I profoundly disagree with putting a teacher, or leader on a pedestal, because it is disempowering to students. A good teacher cannot decide for you whether or not you ought to jump. Only you know what is in tune with your life. A person who truly leads lives by example, shares her struggles and remains touchable. A real teacher will refrain from explaining everything but leaves you to discover the feeling yourself once you have taken the step off the cliff; and more importantly she will accept if one decides not to jump.

However, I have taken the jump, I am enjoying the free fall, engulfed in a feeling of trust that the outcome will be just right in the end. In that knowledge I am more than ever accepting life as my real teacher and I am rendering control of the mind and let my gut take over the cockpit.

I will keep you posted and let you know once I reach the ground!

Much love,
Your Urban Yogi

The Function of the Orgasm

People on trains stare at you when you read a book titled 'The Function of the Orgasm' or they try to co-read the book looking over your shoulder, which I don't mind at all. The person sitting next to me on my way to uni today just leaned over and read, the woman opposite blatantly stared at me every time I looked up from my read. Hence, I felt like another blog entry on sex is apposite.

A good 60 years after the first publication of Wilhelm Reich's book in English I cannot help but wonder if the attitude towards sex, pleasure and the marvellous experience of orgasms in society has changed  all that much since Reich and his contemporaries explored this vast topic? Asking how and why we manage to perpetuate a conservative, life-fearing attitude towards sexuality from generation to generation is a crucial question worth thinking about.

Although I do not see eye to eye with Reich on what 'natural sexuality' entails I agree that suppressed, innate sexual drive is the root of many of our societal and personal problems, frustrations and neurosis. The image of sex we have created in society inhibits too many of us, myself included, from accessing a powerful energy and great source of happiness lying idle in each and everyone of us. Although I am working on tidying up my believe systems and patterns towards everything pleasurable! It is fun and I can highly recommend it.

Yet one has to be prepared to look deep and meet all sorts of animals along the path towards sexual liberation. I believe in the principal of 'as within so without, as above so below', which provides many starting points for such a journey of exploration. I refrain from judging while uncovering all aspects of my sexuality, looking towards the sky to reach the divine; delving deep into the warmth of mother earth to reconnect with nature as well as natural desires. I revisit hidden places inside seeing the 'anima' and embracing it whilst observing what manifests externally in my life as I am doing so, embracing all the learning dished up to me by life (or all that I create subconsciously that ends up in my life once I am ready to face it).

If we accept that 70% of our life takes place subconsciously is is not time to make an effort and reach that part of ours? There are plenty of ways to do so but without accessing this wealth of knowledge, power and source of peace we can find in facing the truth of ourselves, we will always remain restricted by the "behest of authoritarian, mechanised society" (Reich, reprint 1999:198).

Once again I remember the beautiful connection Pedro Pablo and his wife had with nature and how much they respected the natural rhythms of life that we in Western communities have forgotten to feel. Paraphrasing Hellinger we would be well advised to follow the wisdom of our flesh as the mind is so very limited in its departmentalised view of our complex and interconnected world. Once we begin to sense, feel and see (not with our eyes but we our heart) our world in tune with what is, we stand a much better chance of actually having a good time here on this plain.

I honour the opportunities of feeling both the dark and the light in our way of living, yet I crave the emerging feminine energies resembling the new, emerging vibration on earth, so we can free ourselves from the patriarchal chains of the systems we have put in place. The suffering through suppressed emotions, sex and creativity needs to come to an end. If we arrogant, neurotic and anxious grouches (said with a whole lot of love of course and a smile on my face) could be bothered to look towards native tribes we could find living examples of healthier communities, sustainable living and honest, deep, raw sexual connections.

No wonder every so often I feel the urge of escaping this madness we have turned our lives into to a haven of peace, laying it all bare and savouring the sensation of oneness. Being in the haven of the heart is truly a wonderful physical, mental, spiritual and emotional place, worth encountering your daemons for and tidying up your metaphorical closet!

Your Urban Yogi,
engrossed in my current read

Things I should not have seen...

I am sitting here bemused by life's ways of offering lessons in the everyday: a picture on fb; a conversation overheard; a passage of a book; or simply, a gaze met. In those moments I feel the utmost connection with life, with everything. I love it when things come together in a peculiar fashion and it just all makes sense (at least to me).
 
Trying to piece together quite how such a moment comes about is near impossible and maybe I should refrain from trying to do so, but I would like to somehow highlight the strings of the puppeteer called life, that I occasionally manage to see. I had the 'aha' moment when overhearing a statement a fellow student made regarding nudity on TV - do not ask why we ended up at this topic! It was a strong statement about naked bodies shown TV, made with conviction: "I saw things I should not have seen as a child, things that are private."
 
I've always felt that in our society we have got an intensely weird relationship with the human body and what we are capable of experiencing with it. The fact, that we associate nudity with filth is sad and that we ban love-making behind closed doors is even sadder. A few weeks back a friend recommended a book by Wilhelm Reich titled "The Function of the Orgasm" which I am currently picking at. The mind blowing work of my countryman ties in just perfectly with the comment of my acquaintance, who, by the way, I absolutely understand in her disgust with what we can see on late night TV.

Reich, who was way ahead of his times, argues that a healthy, autonomous person ought to fulfil his/her natural rights - e.g. follow her body's instincts. A passage that I find particularly enlightening is this one:

"People have lost their feeling for natural sexual life. Their assessment is based on a distortion, which they rightly condemn. Hence, to fight for or against sexuality is futile and hopeless. On the basis of such distortions, the moralist can, must, and should win out. The distortion cannot be tolerated. The modern woman is repelled by the sexuality of men who get their experience in brothels and acquire a revulsion towards sex from prostitutes. "Fucking" is a defilement. No sensitive woman wants "to let herself be fucked" ...

When I speak of sex, I do not mean "fucking", but the embrace promoted by genuine love; not "urinating into the woman", but "making her happy". No headway can be made unless a distinction is drawn between the unnatural practises in sexual life, practises that have developed on a secondary level and the deeply buried needs for love which are present in every person." (p188-89)
 
To add to the connections I made in the moment I heard her statement, I remembered a fb post I stumbled across the previous night. A Mexican friend of mine posted an incredibly rich picture with writing in Spanish that I would not normally translate, but that night I felt like it (and I added the original text at the end). The Google translation might not be adequate but one gets the gist.

TAO

- Master, what do you need a man to court and make a woman happy?
- Nothing, replied the Guru. Just dare to be what it is ...
- I do not understand, said the student.

- Love is a beautiful opportunity to live without masks, said the Master. The man and woman are afraid of love, because they fear to live naked ... Do not undress just to make love, the Master said softly.

When you live naked inspire others to live without fear, and so my dear friend, you're making love all day ...

Diego E.


Lastly I also had my daily dose of IGing that topped off the opportunities presented by life to 'get the message'. I do not feel the need to add an A4 page of metaphors to this already full blog entry but just this little passage makes me feel like I am somehow been led to this trough and I better drink :)

 

48 - The Well.

Deep Waters penetrated and drawn to the surface: The superior person refreshes the people with constant encouragement to help one another.

There is a Source common to us all. Jung named it the Collective Unconscious. Others hail it as God within. Inside each of us are dreamlike symbols and archetypes, emotions and instincts that we share with every other human being. When we feel a lonely separateness from others, it is not because this Well within has dried up, but because we have lost the means to reach its waters. You need to reclaim the tools necessary to penetrate to the depths of your fellows. Then the bonds you build will be as timeless and inexhaustible as the Well that nourishes them.

It might not be obvious to see the red thread running through this but I sense this is a time to heal our relationships with our bodies and the way we experience our sexuality individually and also as a society.

Your grateful
Urban Yogi


ps: the original fb post:

TAO

- Maestro, ¿qué necesita un hombre para cortejar y hacer feliz a una mujer?
- Nada, respondió el Guru. Solo animarse a ser lo que es...
- No entiendo, dijo el alumno.
- Amar es una hermosa oportunidad para vivir sin máscaras, dijo el Maestro. El hombre y la mujer le temen al amor, porque temen vivir desnudos...
No hay que desnudarse solo para hacer el amor, dijo suavemente el Maestro.
Cuando vives desnudo inspiras a otros a vivir sin miedos, y así mi querido amigo, estás haciendo todo el día el amor...
Diego E.

All things come to an end.

What inspired this entry is the joy of a mum, learning that her son's steady decline over the past year could in fact be stopped, or at least treated. This news has planted a new seed of hope in her. It made me wonder though how much hope is frankly born by fear of the unknown, the unwanted or simply the inevitable. One hopes things might be better, because we don't like the status quo, or because we want something to look forward to.

Quite rightly, who am I to tell a mum not to worry about her terminally ill child? He was never expected to live to 10 but was deemed 'lucky' to make it to 4. That wee man did well to more than double his life expectancy and proof everyone wrong. I salute him for hanging in there and being stubborn!

Yet, why worry? Why can't we celebrate him being here, him having yet another chance to feel the dull, grey English summer or smile in delight when cuddled by a dear one? Why waste time and energy worrying about the end, hoping for more time spent together? The end is certain.

All things come to an end. What if we could accept the innate expiration date of things and that we are just blatantly helpless in our hope for stretching our life spans. We can do our best to make days - or in his case his body - work for a while longer; ultimately though life has it's own cycles and there are new beginnings that come buried in all the bitter ends we encounter. Yes, we can mourn those endings - if it helps to let go. But what good is worrying about what is one certainty in life? Let's forget about hope and be honest with ourselves in that things - good&bad - will end; or rather change.

In my view, we lose time for living while worrying about things that pass us, when really only frequencies change. Energy does not disappear but it transforms. My IGing reading of today told me that a rebirth is coming. While I am excited about this rebirth business I am aware that it brings "ends" with it and the transformation in itself will end. I have no idea about time scales here but I accept that life plays you cards you don't expect, may no even want. The question is can you accept the challenge and make the best of the hand you've been dealt.

I do.

Fearless and Open,
Your Urban Yogi

ps: Part of the IGing reading:

24 - Twenty-Four
Fu / Return
You have passed this way before but you are not regressing.
This is progress, for the cycle now repeats itself, and this time you are aware that it truly is a cycle.
The return of old familiars is welcome. You can be as sure of this cycle as you are that seven days bring the start of a new week.Use this dormancy phase to plan which direction you will grow.

SITUATION ANALYSIS:

You are about to experience a rebirth -- about to be given another chance, a new lease on life.
You have persevered, gone the distance through an entire cycle -- through the Spring of hope or new passion, through a Summer of growth and building, only to be sacrificed like the archetypal Harvest King at the Autumn reaping. You lie dormant like seed beneath Winter snows now, healing and absorbing new energies in preparation for the new young Spring coming shortly to your life.

March*April*May Update

I lay low for a while, primarily because I had forgotten my password and was way too busy to bother retrieving it. Secondly, and probably more tellingly, I did not feel like sharing any more of my hectic life until I have reached a place within myself where I felt content and able to string straight(ish) chains of thoughts together again.

And, here I am - happy and content, though still mega busy. I owe you an update on my 'wee' experience. I can say that for me it worked! My skin is not perfect, but in combination with using only paraben and sulfate free skin care products I have not had a major outbreak in a couple of months (unless I touched garlic - DAH!). Introducing more raw food enhanced my energy levels too and turning 30 tasted fantastically yummy! Celebrating at NAMA (www.namafoods.com) was divine - best birthday cake EVER!

Aside form such 'trivial' pursuits as clearing up my skin I accepted a conditional offer for a PGCE place, meaning I will be doing my teacher training this autumn, providing I fulfil set conditions. Those are:

- passing a Literacy & Maths skills test (dull, but I see why one might need to do this)

- doing Maths & Literacy GCSE's (I obtained 2 degrees, both of which I read in English and I got A-level Maths & English in the bag, yet I am required to get GCSE grad C in those subjects)

- [best of all] learn French (from scratch)

Now, I can deal with Maths & English, in spite of being close to dying of ennui. However, facing my dislike of everything French was a bigger challenge. My aversion to France & The French is utterly irrational (ignoring the few family related issues with this country). So I decided this is in fact THE time to ditch another useless conviction and overcome my 'phobia'.

After all, I eradicated my paralysing fear of hospitality and ended up exploring various parts of this sector (successfully). Next, I tackled my apprehensions regarding disability by meeting a dazzling array of wonderful and warm children and young adults living with diverse forms of disabilities - and I thoroughly enjoyed my learning curve. Thus far, my encounter with 'French' has been invigorating, frustrating at times but 100% what the doctor ordered! Looking at my track record in overcoming obstacles, France & I might be heading towards a 'love affair'... I even got a blog 'en français':
lapetiteprincesse2013.blogspot.com/

I cannot, at this point, say if becoming a teacher is really right for me, although my soul path has apparently got neon signs stating "Natural Born Teacher", but that remains yet to be seen. Though I feel very stretched, yearning for more hours in a day, approaching this madness from my heart somehow puts me in an OK place.

A tiny step closer to actually embodying an Urban Yogi.
Yours truly!

Cleansing using my own, home made wee (urine that is)...

Here I am sitting having just received my first order of sls free hair products. I also recovered some snippets on making your own cleaning products. But to round off my efforts to cleansing myself I started to rub my own urine all over me after having a shower using my sls free, all natural body wash by Burts Bees to smell nice (at least before applying the golden substance!).

I want to clarify, I was never really paranoid about living a healthy life style. I enjoyed eating meat, chocolate was a 'cannot live without' treat on a regular basis and 'sls' did not mean a thing to me. (Sodium Lauryl Sulfate is what I am referring to and it is in most shampoos and body washes - if u want to know more read http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/07/13/sodium-lauryl-sulfate.aspx).

That all changed in the past two months since being back from Mexico. I have been so sick during my holiday and ever since returning back to the UK that I feel my body is SHOUTING at me very loudly and in an utterly convincing fashion that I just cannot ignore any longer.

First I threw out my fluoride filled tooth paste remembering the days in kindergarten when they fed it to us in tablet form to make us resilient against the radio activity floating about post the Chernobyl disaster. Fluoride I have learnt (http://www.fluoridealert.org/articles/50-reasons/) is not good for us and not necessary to keep our teeth clean, so I chucked it out.

Other symptoms of me not feeling great are tiredness, bloating, diarrhoea, vomiting, colds, ulcers and the latest blocked sinuses. I am fed up with this and want to feel better so I decided to listen to my body and as a second step become a vegetarian and do a liver cleanse. Next I will make my own cleaning product and refrain from buying any man-made material used for clothing as I get a headache from wearing such items.

But for some reason the grossest thing I decided to do is probably the urine therapy. I admit freaking out about the potential smell of using urine for therapeutic reasons, as I really do not wish to become an outcast. All the other things are weird enough to freak out many of the people I know, including my spouse, but this feels like a last resort worth trying.

Sadly I have lost my belief in school medicine and in particular doctors as all they do - in this country at least - is to prescribe antibiotics or ask if I am pregnant. Whenever I consulted with them in the past I was left on my own. Hence I came to the conclusion to listen to my body and do what I know I can do to make living in a highly polluted city more bearable.

I shall let you know how it goes... and please let me know if I do smell weird! ;)

By the way, the 1 minute exercise I did to interrupt old behaviours did not work very well for me as I zoned out and somehow 'forgot' about it every time I did engage in the old behaviour - fooling yourself 101 worked perfectly!

Much love, light and freshness,
Your Urban Yogi

Aged 1, playing in the garden - with water, not wee!

The girl who died on the playground

The girl who died on the playground was the result of a tragic accident on the school playground. She did nothing particularly dangerous other than playing amongst children. Then she got knocked over onto a wooden railing that no health & safety officer could have faulted for being lethal or ominous. It was under such ordinary, non threatening circumstances that a little girl fell in an unfortunate way so that she injured herself in a way that was irreparable.

The girl who died on the playground moved me when I saw her a week earlier doing Flamenco dancing during Spanish week. She appeared old for her age, controlled and completely engrossed in what she was doing. I dare to say she was the best out of the bunch of 4 girls dancing, the others glancing at her for rhythm and choreography. In her purple and red dress she exhibited so much potential, joy and liveliness that she brought a smile to my face.

The girl who died on the playground did not really die on the playground though - she died in operating theatre as I found out that very morning I got to school unassumingly. 'Something bad happened' the year teacher of the class I am in told me, instructing me to close the door as I entred the class. I was in shock. Such things do not happen in real life, do they? Luckily I do not have to deal with death all to frequently, so when I heard such devastating news I could not believe what I was told. A little life, that had been only a week earlier so pulsing and promising had been wiped out while playing in this very playground I was looking at.

The girl who died on the playground made me ask the question 'Why?'. I believe souls decide when to go, when their reason for being on this earth is fulfilled. It is hard to see how such a young girl had chosen such a short road, when she was brimming with potential, joy and liveliness. All staff were deeply sad and in disbelief about this loss of a young life. Despite knowing we continue on in another form, another plain, she touched me with her early departure, made me feel the worth of life again in the sadness I felt for her leaving.

The girl who died on the playground will stay in my memory for she has helped me to wake up to life again and honour it as something precious we only have for a short time. Her death should not to be completely in vain, thus I made a promise to myself to hold this realisation she gifted me close to my heart. For the first time in a very long time I am utterly connected to life - sadly in the shadow of the girl who died on the playground.

Rest in peace young, lovely soul!

Your Urban Yogi

 

http://i154.photobucket.com/

Rotten Belief Pattern #111 - I need Light and Dark in my life. Bullshit!

Bullshit indeed.

Somehow in our mind we have accepted that we have to experience highs and lows, that this is part of the rhythm of our lives. In my case I am convinced that without the downs I could not appreciate the ups. I believed that for a blimming long time - until this last holiday. I had a revelation back then but it finally clicked today. Hence this post. It also follows me watching the film 'Am Anfang war das Licht' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s36JoehC0Os challenging common belief patterns and reminding me of the power of our mind!

First, a few words on how polarity (dark/light; up/down etc) shows in my life. Overall I have a good life, with a fair share of challenges to overcome but also with a great wealth of resources to deal with them. I would say that there were always a few tough years followed by a few good ones (according to this logic I will have at least 4 'easy' ones ahead!). Now, what would I be doing in life if I did not have those challenges (that arguably lead to growth but are a pain in the bum when they occur) to overcome? Lead a happy life? Maybe.

'B.U.T!' I hear my inner ego screaming, 'life is not that straightforward!' ... I truly wonder what life would be like if there was no polarity, if there were no motivations to pursue other than 'just' followed my inner truth? What if my husband not 'getting' my dilemmas was not an issue? What if being a size 16 would not be scary? What if not having commercial success did not matter? What would humanity do with all that spare time not spent worrying??? Could we be happy without having fear counterbalancing our joy?

At some point I began to belief that it is normal to feel up and then down again. The majority of us right now put a judgements on events/facts and have feelings according to those judgements - eg gaining weight and being a size 16 is bad and being skinny desirable (although a Nigerian friend recently tried desperately to put on some weight and finally be a bigger size to be deemed beautiful for her wedding taking place in Nigeria!).

Take an argument for example. This can be a classic example of something commonly acknowledged to be 'bad'/undesirable/disharmonious. Yet in one case I noticed that I stepped back form the judgement and listened to what was important about this argument. The situation was that while being invited for dinner at a friends' place my husband and I were going over an old (and by now dull & boring) argument I have had many times with him. I realised that we had upset the friend hosting the evening because of the disagreement. Harmony = good; Disagreement = bad. However, it came to me that all that was said in that context came from a basis of ego - the mind - and might have been useful to come out at this point, for learning. Yet this polarity, the judgement we put on things create a reality that is toxic. It is a reality where we need to control and cannot accept what is.

I am not saying I am above this polarity thinking but in this instance I removed myself from it by listening to my heart - and it did not matter that we argued and what my ego was upset about. I DID NOT BEAT MYSELF UP OR FELT FEARFUL. It does not matter that in our relationship the scales do not always levelled out - either the 'good' or the 'bad' side dominates. What matters is that in my heart I know we are meant to be together for this learning experience and luckily my emotional, spiritual and physical body are wiser than my weak and beaten ego that starts the odd fight. In my heart I trust.

So when I heard Adam Ant on the Johnathan Ross Show tonight saying that his bipolar syndrome has to do with him being a creative one, who need the light and the dark for inspiration I might say 'Bullshit!' - we do not need it but we chose it because it is more melodramatic and lends itself to great artwork. We love our lows too! However, I could lead much happier life (and I guess much other arty types too) if we lived in our hearts more, sensing that up and down do not matter all that much but how we take them is curcial. This way our egos and judgements have not that much weight - which is good to remember next time I am about to hurt a dear one again!

With another rotten belief pattern uncovered,
Your Urban Yogi

 

Above in the pic you can see the bear and the beater - synonomous for spring (bear/good) and winter (beater/bad); the beater is defeated by the bear in the end and leads to big celebrations... but without either one of them the spectacle would not even take place! :)

On giving up food to live off prana

In the last post I made it quite clear I am fed up of feeling tired and miserable. Much of me not feeling well has to do with food and what my body seems to 'like' and 'dislike'. Garlic for example gives me the most hideous headaches, followed a couple days later by itchy pimpls around my jawline. YUCK! Refined sugar (I LOVE CHOCOLATE) results in fatigue and pair this with wheat and I am in 'La La Land', quite zoned out and not able to focus, usually leading to some stomach pain, feeling sickly and generally not doing great.

Now, I am not 'strong' enough to resist the temptation of 'nice' tasting food and every now and then I give into my urges to stuff my face. This is when I know what I am bargaining with and I have gotten over beating myself up for it - YEY! The times when it does bug me that I react to some foods in this way is when I have forgotten or not realised that there was such an ingredent in my meal. Take sushi for example; I ate 'healthyly' and completely blanked on the fact that soy sauce has wheat in it. It took a while for me to register that THAT was the reason for me feeling rubbish again.

One thing I have been doing is to 'STOP' for 1 minute before eating 'no-go-foods' and redirect my energy towards a desirable image I have of me doing what I love, floating in rays of colour and joy (sounds pretty hippy but feels amazing!). I struggled with this exercise though as it brought up all my anger I ever felt towards food, inept perceptions of my self and my body. 'Do not try this at home!' (or unsupervised) is my warning for this simple exercise as it is super powerful and I needed much assistance from Catherine Shainberg to deal with the anger that came up. I did a good job and am back on the 1 minute exercise as from today. See how 'Take 2' goes.

On the other hand I have been thinking about a friend from my Mexico journey who talked about living off prana and giving up food altogether. I am intrigued by the idea. I heard about the idea a while ago and thought I 'LOVE' food too much to not have food anymore as part of my daily life, leave it till I feel ready for it, thinking that day would NEVER come. However, I ordered a book called 'The Food of Gods' which arrived yesterday, talking about the preparation needed to get to living off divine nutrition and the pitfalls. Funny enough I also received an email from that friend the same day as I got the book, sharing his experience of going 'off' food and only occasionally drinking some water now. It is amazing. He is practising yoga, going for hikes and feels - after a period of no energy - absolutely fine now. It sounds liberating and just unbelievable.

Save to say I am nowhere near becoming a Breatharian (http://breatharian.info/) but I am slowly getting fed up hearing my body over and over again screaming at my food choices. Although it will scare my husband and probably freak out most of the people I know I consider embarking on the slow road to giving up food by starting to give up meat and visiting my friends raw food restaurant (http://www.facebook.com/Nama.Artisan.Raw.Foods?group_id=0) to see what that lifestyle is all about.

Who knows, 2013 might be the year I give up food all together and start living off pranic energy... but not just yet! ;)

With a bowl of greek yoghurt and oats in my belly,
Your Urban Yogi

...BUT I want it the easy way, and I want it right NOW!

This has been a hard week of struggles - with January fatigue, with tricky decisions, with headaches, with old patterns that I desperately want to resolve and missing my heart family; A LOT.

Apparently it is through struggle that we grow and change. Struggle seems to be essential in reaching a higher state of consciousness... BUT I want it the easy way! And more importantly I want it NOW. I am truly fed up feeling that I am bloated, tired, agitated and miserable. What the heck is going on? I hear from a dear heart friend she has been knocked out for the past couple weeks, people around me are sick and I had a stomach bug twice in a month.

'It is not fair' to borrow the line a boy I am working with said in tears because he did not get a merit (a silver star sticker!) for his work. I want a star sticker too! I want to simply KNOW what to do and not have to go through this 'struggle' business, PLEASE? Yes, I am moaning. No, I do not feel like an Urban Yogi after this week. The only time of the day I am feeling good is when I am sleeping and meet all the friendly people I miss in my life in my dreams. Aaaahhh... it is such a lovely feeling slowly waking up and still being in the half-awake state of being before the material world hits me.

It is my own fault though. I signed up for more Imagery sessions and those sessions really have it in them. It was an EASY exercise we were meant to do as homework last week. Stop and think 1 minute before you do XYZ (you decide what it is!)... then you do a quick imaging exercise to redirect the energy generated and use it productively. Damn it. That lil homework was a b*****. Even 'easy' was not 'easy' but had a real punch hidden inside. It triggered some rather old and dusty patterns I do not 'utilise' all that often but if I do it results in me feeling crap... It was time to take that punch - for growth and transformation and GLORY (which the tarot cards kind of said that I picked a minute ago!)

Luckily the long-term outcome according to the tarot is bliss. The immediate future not so much. The card tells me about a little more struggle but promises that it ends in triumph. So all I can do is to keep going I guess and hope for some more 'pleasant' learning experiences in later 2013.


Yawn and off to bed,
Your deflated Urban Yogi

 on a better day.

Sophie, the star princess... (or the other kind of beautiful)

Sophie
the star princess
(or the other kind of beautiful)

In a land where days were something unknown,
people lived during long lasting dark.
A king and his queen ruled the land guided by stars
which kindly lent their light and spark.

One glorious day baby Sophie arrived with a smile
but the royal couple had a terrible fright.
Their princess received in an unnervingly state,
brining gloom into the world of endless night.

The queen screamed ‘IT MUST BE A CURSE!’.
The king yelled ‘NO WAY COULD IT HAVE BEEN WORSE!’.
Sophie was covered in sparkling freckles, needless to say
they thought it was outrages and locked her away.

Feeling terribly sorry for having an ugly child,
the queen and king turned to ruling again.
Trying to quickly forget this horrible disaster,
as their daughter remained locked in the dragon Dimitri’s den.

No one was permitted to see the little girl,
turning her sad and filled with fear.
She spent her days bored and all alone
making her freckles one by one disappear.

Although this might have made the royals happy
they could not possibly have known.
Never did they visit their girl whose only companion
was a semi-bad dragon Dimitri serving the crown.

Although he told the princess the tales of the people,
he also plundered other kingdoms and set them on fire.
In the valley too, the lives of the people got worse,
as stars vanished and every night grew more dire.

More horrid news for the kingdom had come
because the stars had decided to leave.
‘This cannot be happening’ moaned the queen,
the king blamed the princess, good grief!

Dimitri reported the accusation to the girl,
who felt even worse than before.
How could she have brought along all this sadness?
She cried ‘What was this happening for?’

That moment under the heavy wooden door
squeezed in a few bright little lights.
Every one shone so fiercely and beautiful,
they were the stars fallen down from the skies.

They had come, they whispered, to help the girl,
make the parents finally understand,
that the birth of Sophie had not been a curse
but more a gift that the stars had sent!

Sophie had been the brightest star of all,
wishing to come down and visit all men.
Her freckles lit up as she remembered her wish,
and Dimitri knocked down the walls of the den.

‘You are the other kind of beautiful’ said the stars,
‘and the truth is that we all carry beauty’.
‘So it is upon us to decide what is fair!’,
so freckled Sophie realised her duty!

Dimitri rushed the princess off to the queen and the king.
To share her wisdom and the light she wanted to bring.
Sophie yelled ‘I CAN SHOW YOU HOW YOUR OWN LIGHT IS LIT!’
She said ‘Everything carries beauty, every last bit.’

Apologising to the star princess they fell to their knees,
recognising what they had done wrong.
Once they opened their eyes, listening with their heart,
they could not wait very long.

The star princess’ tale was spread across the lands,
bringing light to every adult, son and daughter.
Stars travelled back to the skies and the earth lit up,
then the nights were filled with laughter!

The End.

 

 

Fancy having a go at the 'Game of Life'?

Watching the 'Got to Dance' auditions last night while digesting my homemade crumble I LOVED the enthusiasm coming from the judges. Every time a dance crew or single performer came on and smashed their performance they were like children freaking out and having fun. Fooling around, getting on stage and being in the moment.

Yes, I know, it is a show, lots is staged and they get paid for it. But, they seemed to genuinely enjoy themselves and let loose. If it had only been this incident I would not have really started pondering over it and said nothing more than 'They got it right, they are doing what they love doing and getting paid for it'. In the spirit of 2013 thought I picked up a book buried in my draw and flicked over the index. I only read one chapter: The playful Universe. And that was enough, enough to get me mind spinning. In truth with the author Charles Eisenstein this book is actually available for free on the net http://www.panenthea.com/downloads/aoh_text.pdf !!!

Coming back to my personal light bulb moment about fooling around and being playful. Play, in our society is perceived to be situated in the domain of childhood and permitted only in small doses to counterbalance the real learning business. Toys these days need to aid the development of cognitive skills because playing just for the fun of it is not viewed as being 'productive'. For adults it is even worse and we don't get to play much at all. Yet Eisenstein raises some very interesting points regarding the importance of play that were spot on. On page 121 he lets us know why play is so valuable:

Play is not enslaved to a preset end, but allows the end to emerge spontaneously through the process

itself. Play does not require willpower to stay focused and overcome our natural desires; it is natural desire manifest. When we play, we are willing to try things without guarantee of their eventual usefulness or value; yet paradoxically, it is precisely when we let go of such motivations that we produce the things of greatest use.

What he reminded me off was that the game called 'Game of Life' was quiet a good resemblance of the game we are playing now. It is called 'Individualism' where only a few of us are able, like the judges I watched on the show 'Got to Dance', to have fun with what they are doing. The rest of us need to work, keep the economy going etc... and that is why we envy the stars - they got enough money to allow them to 'play' in their spare time. The rest of us are waiting for the dice to roll and see what 'life' has got in store for us. It is an odd game we are playing and we forgot that we are playing it!

This lesson comes to me at a time where I am contemplating whether to do my teacher training (as a  German & French teacher who would have thought) or to build up my portfolio as a self-employed ABA tutor. Or should I just chuck it all in and keep doodling, developing my children's books? The latter is the most desirable option. I am still stuck in a 3D world with my 3D thought, that is why I shall end this entry with much wiser words by Eisenstein and his chapter on the playful Universe:

 

Our present loss of all the characteristics of play—spontaneity, fearlessness, spirit of exploration, creativity, willingness to test limits, non-attachment to results—is itself part of a larger game of individuation. In the currentage, as the dance of separation becomes increasingly intolerable, as crises mount throughout the world, we are beginning to realise that the time has come to stop playing this game and begin another one. The game of “let’s pretend we are discrete, isolated beings in an objective universe” with all that it entails has served its purpose. But now it is time to play a new one.

Your playful Uran Yogi (middle)

 

'You got a third eye right here' I told an 8 year old today

'What the heck are you doing?' I hear a wee freaked out voice rationalising with me, trying to point out that in fact it is not the greatest idea to talk to an eight year old in the medical room of school about his third eye. Somehow I have got to agree, but it was too late, I had said it. We ended up in medical because this boy felt a migraine coming on. He is utterly aware of his body and had pointed out to mum in the morning he was feeling 'a bit white' when he got to school. Over the morning he was a star, which was handy as the school was being Ofsteded and I had my supervision too. It was only before lunch time that he got paler and paler rubbing his forehead.

My supervisor, who knows the boy's behaviour patterns pretty much inside out pointed this out to me and asked him why he thinks this migraine is coming on. He responded 'I've eaten chocolate yesterday'. It is mind boggling that an eight year old boy can tell me a list of things that he 'knows' (he has not been tested for this but just figured it out!) are bad for him and give him a headache. 'You know there is one new chocolate I can have, it has not got caffeine in it' he reveals. It is mad for me to think he has got such an awareness yet is classed as having 'special needs'. While he was covering himself with the blanket in the nurse's room we had a bit of a chat about where it hurts and if he was feeling any better. He then closed his eyes and I figured I could ask in silence permission to give him Reiki and I did.

A few minutes into the short treatment, me humming away, he quietly mumbled 'Thank You'. He still had a headache, but opened his eyes. For the last couple of days I was able to really see him and look far beyond his eyes that hold much more wisdom than one should at the age of 8. At this point it just bubbled out of me. I touched his forehead and shared 'You got a third eye right here... when I first began to use it my head hurt a lot too' (fellow AITH meditators can sympathise!). I continued by telling him that he did not even had to use his other eyes to see with it and with those words I closed my eyes to 'see'. It was at this point my mind screamed 'Are you flipping mad Sarah! This is an EIGHT year old and you are in SCHOOL, shut it!'

But as I opened my eyes he had closed his again. He already knew. He didn't ask me any questions. He did not protest or showed any signs of confusion.

'Autistic' children never cease to amaze me and push me to my personal limits. During lessons his favourite occupation is to predict the behaviour of his tutors, aiming to outwit us. It is true that he might not be terribly aware of social norms, but who needs to do that when you are living in your heart? ;)

Keep the learning coming left, right and centre!

With amazement & bemusement,
Your Urban Yogi

PS: if you fancy finding out more about your third eye: http://www.mysticbanana.com/pineal-gland-our-third-eye-the-biggest-cover-up-in-human-history.html